Posts Tagged ‘white lies’

Note: This week’s question come from an eBay user that I was later e-mailed about from eBay. Seems he/she/it was running a scam, which you’d never guess from the text of the e-mail. So here is the question, and my answer.

Hi i Have A Lg Xenon And Apple Iphone 32gb 3gs Im Trying To Trade One Of These Items for my Wife who is in the hospital in a coma right now from a Car accident,and i was trying to see if i could trade one of these items for her or even both cause She wanted this phone so bad before she got hurt if you can help me pls do so my name is jermey pls contact me back!

Dear jermey,

Wow, you certainly have two interesting phones to trade their for my 2 year old phone that is worth only around $200. And on top of this trading business, you’ve got a sick wife to attend to. Of course she’s in a coma, so I guess that frees you up quite a bit to conduct your online trades of new technology for old. So anyway, your wife got banged up pretty good in a car accident, is now unconscious, and you’d like to buy her a phone! Wow, you are an eternal optimist aren’t you jermey – after all, coma’s don’t always end well for those in them. And I doubt she’ll mind if she wakes up and you don’t produce for her this phone on command (Unless she threatened to “go back into a coma” if you didn’t have one of these when she awoke). Anyway I hate to tell you, but I don’t think I can trade with you. First of all, I only trade with verified Native Americans (figure that’s only fair), and you failed to provide any of the documentation I normally require. Second, I have a real issue with your name, jermey, as it makes me think you may be infected with a number of coma-causing diseases (after all, I see through your cheap trick of changing the G to a J). And Third, I have a sinking suspicion eBay is going to e-mail about you in a day or so (just a hunch).

However I do have a deal for you. Seems the FBI has been after me for some money they owe me, tell them you’re me and see if you can’t collect…

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Dear Jon,

I recently broke up with my good for nothing boyfriend, but realized he still has a key to my place. How do I get my locks changed without having to tell management that I gave out a key?

Thanks,
Kathleen, from Ohio

Ah yes, love lost and keys kaptured (Feeling very fast and loose with K’s today, Kan’t help it!). Anyway, how do you tell your management company to change the locks yet not divulge that little bit about the boyfriend? Easy! Play the victim… of a robbery! So maybe you don’t have to be that dramatic, but you can simply say that you lost a spare key you had. It was in a wallet that also had your address on it and, gee, if someone finds it you might as well just put out a welcome mat and kiss your valuables goodbye! Management changes the locks, you’re stuff is secure, and your little secret is just between you and me!

Happy Trails,

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