Posts Tagged ‘help’

Dear Jon,

I recently broke up with my good for nothing boyfriend, but realized he still has a key to my place. How do I get my locks changed without having to tell management that I gave out a key?

Thanks,
Kathleen, from Ohio

Ah yes, love lost and keys kaptured (Feeling very fast and loose with K’s today, Kan’t help it!). Anyway, how do you tell your management company to change the locks yet not divulge that little bit about the boyfriend? Easy! Play the victim… of a robbery! So maybe you don’t have to be that dramatic, but you can simply say that you lost a spare key you had. It was in a wallet that also had your address on it and, gee, if someone finds it you might as well just put out a welcome mat and kiss your valuables goodbye! Management changes the locks, you’re stuff is secure, and your little secret is just between you and me!

Happy Trails,

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hey jon i figured you would no what to do with this the computer at mny work got a virus on it it was called personel anti virus is there any way to get rid of this before my boss get here in the am please let me know facebook hope everything is well in ny thank you very much
eric, Ohio

Before I tell you the answer, let me tell you a bit about how people end up in these situations. You can probably imagine a life without Facebook, Twitter, or e-mail – but why would you want to? After all, your damn strawberries are about to wilt on your imaginary farm, and Miley Cyrus just asked about a good name for her new cat to the Twitterverse. Priorities people – you can’t be bothered with something of lesser importance like, say, work, when these earth shattering events are occurring.

However sometimes, your ole’ pal Mr. Computer get’s sick of your web shenanigans. Actually let me rephrase that:Your Ole’ Pal Mr. Computer GETS SICK (as in has a virus) from your web shenanigans. In this case, the antivirus that’s really a virus, seems to be easily corrected thanks to this page of information on it. Now go there, clean it up, and then get back to planting your onions and finding your cows!

Good Farming,

Update:

hey jon program worked thanks for your help everyrhing is gloomy and rainy here you are better then an asain kid i knew you could help thanx a milliom

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Hey Jon! Gotta question for ya………I have a continuous variable that I would like to split into two groups . Its a stress scale and I want to compare those who are not stressed vs. those who are. How do I do that on SPSS?

Rebecca, Georgia

Well, here’s a tough one – see Statistics, while being something Jon knows about, aren’t very humorous. You hardly see them as the material of professional comedians, and certainly no one ever starts a joke “These two distributions walk into a bar…”. So my problem here is how do I A) answer the question and B) make it funny. Nobody is perfect (I do believe I am close though…), but perhaps this can be achieved.

One sure fire way to make things funny, as demonstrated by some of your lesser comedians, is simply to put funny words or phrases in with your material. I guess I’ll try that here. And for your convenience, I’ll even put them in italics.

Hey Rebecca,

Makes perfect sense like a priest and a rabbi at a bar with the Easter bunny. You could do it in a few different ways in SPSS some of which are illegal in this hemisphere. Probably the simplest butt is to use “Recode into different variable”. On that screen you can barf select your existing variable and slap it around before assigning it a new name (e.g. stressgroup or poop). Then click “Old and New values” and count to 10 while standing on your head. Then assign what you want the old value to correspond to in the new variable, George Bush said so. So perhaps a range of 0 – 6 would become “1″ for the low stress group, 7 – 12 would become “2″ for the high stress group, etc.. Hope that makes sense or made you laugh, which probably didn’t, it was stats after all

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